Sat here on the beach, watching the sunrise to begin the second new day of the year, I’m conscious that I’ve not yet made any New Year resolutions. I spent an hour yesterday clearing plastic rubbish from the beach and there are just as many bags and bottles there today. Perhaps recycling should be on my list. ‘I will recycle, no matter how much effort it takes to separate trash and remember to carry plastic bags with me’. During the past months, I’ve eaten much less so although I’m currently sat here eating some of Chris’ chocolate brownies, I’ll put ‘not eating between meals’ on the list too…
To be honest, I’m rather ambivalent to the whole process. Like most of us, in some years I’ve made lists consisting of just such ‘worthy’ resolutions that we all make and usually ultimately break because, let’s face it if it were easy to exercise every day, be nicer to people, learn to play an instrument, lose a few pounds or even do my fair share of the housework, I would be doing those things already. Wait I hear you say, haven’t you read all those books about setting SMART goals, managing personal change, emotional intelligence, neuro-linguistic programming and goodness knows only what else? But I say, look at item 7 on 2010’s new year’s list ‘find some time to put what you read into practice’. The problem is one of translating good intention into lasting and meaningful change. I wonder if some of the difficulty is also that usually resolutions are made in the heady aftermath of the season and are too soon overtaken by the return to the comfortable routine of daily life. It takes either a concerted and sustained effort to effect change or perhaps a major event (moving house, changing job). I know that our current travels could be considered as such an event but I’m sure that it will be all too easy, after a few weeks back in North Wales, going to work, school, in the old routine, there is a distinct possibility of it all being the same.
In the Forbidden City, we were shown an inscription ‘wu-wei’ which our guide described as the philosophy of his favourite emperor, meaning ‘go with the flow’. It turns out that this is a central theme of Taoism and describes action through inaction. I’m sure there’s much more, deeper levels to it but as our guide described a philosophy in which the emperor effected change through action in harmony with the stream rather than attempting to dam the current, I felt a connection. It’s difficult not to when I’ve watched the ebb and flow on the Menai Straits for the last decade. Any gains fighting against the tide are generally only fleeting. I don’t think it’s about laziness or drifting but about making small, possible corrections to heading. Of course, in the Menai Straits, timing is also of great consequence in determining the direction of travel.
So where am I going with this (good question and an equally good one might be ‘how much alcohol have you had Matt?’ None and no blows to the head either!)? I guess what I’m trying to get to is a thought that in its comfortable routine, daily life perhaps follows a course, like water flowing downstream, which is one of least resistance. The constraints of this river, it’s banks, are maybe determined by choices we’ve made about employment, places we want to live, family etc and I guess some of these river banks are immutable rock whilst others might be pliable sand. Those major events I talked about earlier might be enough to create a new direction, a new river course, and might be unintentional (a landslip) or through dint of purposeful change perhaps akin to blasting a new channel. Either way, effort is required to make the change, smooth the waters in the new course and ensure that the river doesn’t simply return to it’s original path downstream.
But those new year resolutions are small things. Our best hope is not to throw boulders in and create rapids but to look for opportunities to smooth the flow. The nature of the riverbed might reflect our comfort with our choices and the course they lead or perhaps even the interaction of our flow with that of others. Search for those obstructions that are preventing the flow going in the desired direction. If the flow is never going the ‘right’ way then pause to consider why. Look for ‘soft’ river banks, make easy changes and achieve small victories.
What on earth might all this waffle mean in practice? How should I know, I’m not setting out to be some sort of guru but I think on a personal level, it means that I’m not going to have that list of resolutions this year. Instead I’m going to spend a bit of time before we get back thinking about what I think I’d like my life to be like and whether and how I might achieve that with the least resistance. Perhaps I’m luckier than some because I generally like my life in Wales and I suppose we had a major shift in the river course to get there. However, I’ve certainly enjoyed spending more time with the family whilst we’ve been travelling and I need to see where the obstructions are to creating those opportunities at home. Jo and I have both realised just how in control and ordered we like things. On the road and living out of cases, we’ve seen where that creates stress and conflict with each other and the kids. Learning how to relax with other people’s choices will be a good lesson in going with the flow but we’ve also discovered that at times we have to be comfortable paddling our own course.
Now I’ve blathered on long enough, time to get up and go for that run…or perhaps just one more chocolate brownie!
(and for those of you astute enough to notice that I must have started writing this almost a week ago, I’ll also not put ‘get on with it and finish something you’ve started’ to the list I’m not making)
4 Responses to Resolutions