Lost In Translation

No litter or no weeing?

Whilst planning this trip, I had no doubts that one of our major difficulties would be our complete lack of language (I did buy a-learn-to-speak Mandarin cd but ran out of time).
In most of the of the other countries that I have visited, the language at least has some familiarity with English, common roots, cross-over words and the like or perhaps there have been words that coincide with the bits of French, Spanish or even Latin that I can remember. These clues have usually been enough for me to get by and to help pick up useful phrases.
Here, however, the language is so very different and the usual clues absent, there’s not even a common alphabet to provide visual references. The upshot is that despite there being almost 20 million people in this city, I’ve felt more lost here than almost anywhere else I’ve been. I’m not suggesting that the people are unfriendly or standoffish. The reverse in fact, just ask Ellie and Will about how many strangers photos that they have been in but that’s the point, these strangers remain so and we are unable to make any connection because no matter how loudly and slowly they speak Chinese to us, we can’t understand. It’s fun watching Jo try to act things out though!
One particular sticking ground has been food and consequently meal times have become a really interesting adventure. Our selection of restaurant has been fairly random – we cruise past trying desperately to see if anyone is eating and if so what it is that they are eating. Places with pictures are good but even then this is by no means foolproof, Ellie was very surprised when the noodles she chose turned out to be a spicy shredded vegetable of some sort. Once sat down, occasionally the menu has some English but this too can be misleading or offputting (‘irritable duck intestine’ – is the duck annoyed or is that what will happen to you if you eat it?) and there is still the more complicated minefield of what goes with what and how much to order. There has been no help from the waiters so far – we can’t ask ‘what’s good’ or ‘what do you suggest’ . There is often a lot of pointing and questions from the waiters which may well mean ‘order that or that’ or ‘you need a rice/noodle dish with that’ or ‘that’s enough food for an elephant’ but which normally ends up in us saying yes we’ll have 3 of those as well then.
Consider our meal last night for example. We went to Xiabu, one of a chain of restaurants where you cook you own food in a central hotpot. Great we thought, we’ll see what’s going in and be able to regulate the spice for the kids. We were even given a translated version of the menu. Things looked promising. We chatted and Jo wandered around the place staring at what the other customers were eating and how they were cooking their food. On the menu were several ‘set lunches’ of a meat and vegetable tray.
When the waiter arrives we confidently indicate our choices on the menu and wave appropriate fingers- “two beef and one shrimp” . The waiter then points at another section and says something, we shrug our incomprehension. He brings over a couple of sachets of paste, acts something out and points again at the menu. Eventually, I randomly point to a line on the menu and then the charade begins again with another part of the menu. Finally, exhausted, the waiter concedes defeat, writes something on his pad and proceeds to check it with me. He’s probably asking if I’m really sure that’s what we want but I’m also completely befuddled so I nod and he charges me upfront (possibly to make sure we don’t run off when it arrives). We sit and wait in anticipation.

Of course, what arrives is enough food for about 6 adults – plates and plates of vegetables, 6 large sachets of peanut sauce, four bowls of coriander, 2 meat towers, wontons, noodles and shrimps. It’s too much to fit on the table and the waiter has to pull up an empty chair to put some of the plates on. We eat as much as we can and leave full, satisfied but rather sheepish.